,Chapter One
"Mom can I have a beer?"
"You know you don't have to ask sweetheart. Here's a Coors on the house." Marylyn opened the top of a beer and smiled as she passed me the bottle.
I watched the morning news on the television behind the bar and continued to drink a few more beers. Marylyn cleaned the bar and served a few old cowboys who sat nearby.
The day wore on and I felt that I had to move on. I said goodbye to Marylyn while I put out my cigarette and walked back into the sunlight. This time I was prepared for the sunshine as I lifted my hands over my eyes.
I knew I had to go to Chandra's, a new day never truly began until I saw her smile, touched her face, and held her in my arms.
Chandra's apartment sat in the center of a row of low-income apartments in Great Falls Montana. The apartments of Quilt Lane were built to house the natives of Great Falls, the people who survived day to day on a government paycheck or hibernated in the winter with Fire Fighting money made over the summer.
Most patrons would stumble between their apartments every day. Forgetting had become an art form that kept the residence of the small complex free from the memories of the fighting that occurred in the streets just about every day.
It was 2:00 p.m. and I was beginning to feel the beers and the shots of whiskey I had drank to wake up. I knocked on Chandra's door a few times as I flicked the cherry off of my cigarette and blew the stale smoke out. I placed the unused portion of the cigarette into my used jacket pocket.
The hangover from my night at Waylan's trailer had worn off but the calm feeling of having too much to drink too soon began to conquer my every step.
Chandra opened the door in silence. Her Blackfoot heritage taught her the fine art of silence and patience. She behaved as it her life was being thrown around in a poker game and she never let her eyes betray her crappy hand. The cards that carried too much of a burden.
Her existence was the protection of her daughter Maria. Maria, the last pond in the family aquifer, was born to her when she was well under the age of reason. As a result of this, Maria was and would always be a piece of her spirit. When friends from the tribe would lounge around her apartment full of whatever drinks were on the house, she would hold Maria in complete silence, as if stone.
The thing that would get me would be her smile. She would show her teeth like a white wolf. Like the white wolves we saw set free in Glacier National Park last year. Their smiles as they looked back at us and her smiles to her tribal friends seemed to say, "Have fun. I am letting you borrow all this. This air, these mountains, these trees, this view. You are all my guests. But remember I will kill you if I have to."
Her tribal friends respected us enough and like the white wolf pack, left the violence outside.
Sometimes the violence would crawl under Chandra's skin. Once during a gathering at her house she placed herself directly in front of a large woman who sat on the couch. The woman had just yelled some profanity at Maria, and seemed to carry every ounce of her body weight in her upper torso. The woman asked Chandra what the hell she was looking at. Chandra grabbed her with both hands and picked the woman off her feet and threw her outside in the snow.
Chandra walked quickly up to the woman and swiftly kicked her in her groin. The woman fell directly into the snow where the white flakes seemed to hide her from the force of the fury that began to fly in her direction. Chandra kicked her repeatedly in her stomach while she laid curled up in the cold.
Finally Chandra reached over and punched her directly on her right temple and left her without saying a word.
When the violence crept into Chandra she followed her own rules and took it outside of her home into the soft snow.
Go To Sleep Little Baby
"Go to sleep little baby,
go to sleep little baby.
Your momma's gone
away and your daddy's
going to stay don't leave
nobody but the baby.
Go to sleep little baby,
go to sleep little baby.
Everybodies gone and
the cotton and the corn
don't leave nobody but the baby.
You're a sweet little baby,
you're a sweet little baby.
Momma and the tock and
the sugar don't stop,
going to bring a little
bottle to the baby.
Don't you weep pretty baby,
don't weep pretty baby.
He's long gone with the
red shoes on
don't need another loving baby.
Go to sleep little baby,
go to sleep little baby.
You and me and the
devil makes three
don't need another loving baby.
So to sleep little baby,
go to sleep little baby.
Going to lay stone on
the alabaster bones
and be my ever loving baby."
The Soggy Bottom Boys
Chapter Two
I saw Tony asleep on one of Chandra's couches, like he did every once in awhile when he drank too much. Sometimes he would stay if he just got out of jail and it was too cold for him to pass out outside a bar.
His beard was halfway down his chest and his hair sat like a nest of bees on top of his head. He sometimes would go crazy and threaten to beat up ghosts or scream at us about the importance of chicken potpies.
Tony was one of the last pirates roaming the priaries outside of Great Falls. He was following a criminal tradition of treachery and deceit.
Chandra let him stay almost every other day. She once felt like a pirate herself and felt that her journey was to find treasure. One day as she overlooked a large cliff that lingered close to the highway she realized that there was no such thing as treasure and nothing was hidden away, even hope.
I cracked open a fresh bottle of bourbon and handed it over to Chandra for a drink. We sat at the kitchen table and drank numerous shots before she began to pull my arm and stare directly at me filling the room with the blackness of her eyes.
I held myself in her, I was lost like in a dream. Feelings began to overtake me, mixed with the alchohol in my blood. My eyes began to cloud over and so did my reason. She grabbed my arm to lead me up the stairs and I told her that I couldn't make it, I was too drunk.
I pulled myself onto her other couch instead. I could hear her sigh through the staggering silence and I passed out.
I was unable to move a bone in my body. Every attempt at movement brought on a blur, a spin, and a thump in my head as if by Maxwell's silver hammer. I stared at the ceiling, which was becoming more blurred and I tried fruitlessly to lift a foot off the couch.
Tony, who was on the couch next to mine, made a slight ruffle. I heard footsteps walk towards the foot of the stairs that sounded like Tony's boots. I waited in silence the sound of my breath the only sound. Finally, I lifted myself off the couch and crawled to the stairs.
I crawled halfway up the stairs when I heard Tony in Maria's room. He shut the door to her room as I crawled up and placed my ear to the wood.
His boots moved around in the room. The crib began to creak and I heard him tell Maria to relax and be quiet. I heard him whispering to himself how much money he was going to make. I heard him whisper about how a friend he had made in prison was going to pay him ten thousand dollars for a little girl. He told Maria that tonight was not the night but soon he would take her when Chandra was too drunk to move.
I heard him sing in the dark a bluegrass lullaby.
"You are going to make me rich little girl so I can leave this damn town and move to the west coast." Tony said as he finished his song and placed Maria back into her crib.
Quickly I crawled into the bathroom located directly next door to Maria's room and closed the door behind me. The bathroom floor was cold and soothing as I laid my head on the tile. Tony's boots moved down the stairs.
Once again the world began to spin as all turned to darkness. Everything was black and not the restful sleeping kind...
Marylyn's Letter
"To whom has caught John's heart,
I hope he gives you this letter shortly after I write it. At times John may seem out of control. I cannot even begin to tell you what John has experienced in his life and I am not making excuses for his behaviour, but underneath the drinking and confusion lies the heart of a man who do nothing but love. Don't leave this opportunity behind; he will try his hardest to ensure that you and your daughter are taken care of. Marry this man and do it quickly before you lose him.
Marylyn."
Chapter Three
Chandra woke me from the bathroom floor in her pajamas.
"Follow me." She said as I picked myself up and followed her downstairs for breakfast.
Breakfast was typically a bottle of milk for Maria, and a beer for us to share. The beer helped to cushion the footsteps of the giants on parade in my head.
I noticed that Tony was gone as I put my weight onto the kitchen doorframe, unable to stand up straight. Chandra occasionally looked over at me, never saying a word. Finally she picked up Maria and brushed past me towards the stairs.
When I caught up with her she fed Maria the last of the milk and put her down for a nap in her crib. There is a small amount of beer left not enough to help my jitters. She grabs my hand and leads me into the room, her beauty is enough to dull my pain as she sets me down on the bed and looks deep into my eyes.
"Good Morning." She hummed.
"Wait," I say, "Marylyn wrote something yesterday at the bar," I got up and reached into my jacket pocket, "Here read this."
Chandra read the letter to herself and placed it upon her dresser. I cannot tell if she looked at me and could only hear her laugh lightly before she climbed on top of my chest. her long black hair fell over her eyes and over my hands as I played with her porcelain breasts.
I lifted her up and upon me as I moved my hands down her slender waist and rested my fingertips.
"I may be too hung over for this." I said.
She put her middle finger up to my lips for a split second and quietly drew me into her.
Later that evening, after we dropped Maria at the babysitters, we went out drinking. She told me over beer and whiskey shots that she could never leave Great Falls.
She told me that her family lived here or nearby, and whatever happened to her someone would always be there to help her.
She explained that everyone she let in her home, out of the cold of the winter, sat around every corner of the town and ensured that her and her daughter would never be harmed.
She had faith in all the residence of the town, they supplied the relief shelter that she and her newly born daughter stayed in during the coldest winter in Great Falls history. She had faith in the neighbors she met that helped her to find the government assistance she needed to move into low-income housing.
She did not know what the title of low-income housing meant she only knew she had her own space; that someone out there had the heart to give her a home. The burden she felt due to these gifts held her tightly to the town. She could never leave.
"Then give me the letter back." I said looking away from her. There is no conversation, yet I know that I am not going to get the letter back and I feel ashamed for asking.
The night ended with dry whiskey sex and sleep with her arms rested on my chest.
Chapter Four
I conviced Chandra to drive Maria to her mothers house outside of Lolo for the weekend by cooking her a large breakfast with eggs and pancakes.
Chandra's mom lived in a small cabin some five miles outside of Lolo with her husband who had been hit by a car and had troubles remembering his day-to-day activities. Chandra's mom had five daughters all less than ten years old, and only watched Maria on rare occasions.
After breakfast we packed up Maria's diaper bag and loaded up the truck for the journey.
Before we left I looked into the backseat and noticed how radiant Maria looked in her car seat with the sunlight shining on her face.
"We're going to see Granny, Maria," I said turning toward Chandra, "and we can do some drinking."
Halfway between Great Falls and Lolo, Chandra looked over at me and told me that she needed directions to the area in Lolo where her
mother lived. Outside Missoula we found a bar and I ran in for directions.
The bar was dimly lit and housed one patron and the bartender. The bartender seemed absorbed in a conversation with the other patron.
He asked if I needed anything. I asked for a beer and a shot of Southern Comfort and he poured me the shot and beer and then continued his conversation with the patron. Right when I finished my shot Chandra waltzed into the bar with Maria in her arms and asked where the hell her mom lived.
I began to tell her that I was picking up some courage as the other customer asked if we were from out of town. I explained we were from Great Falls and that we were lookin for Kathryn Littlebear.
He knew exactly where she lived and gave us directions as I finished another beer.
The sun outside blinded me as we crawled back into the pickup truck and headed to Kathryn's house and dropped off Maria.
Later that evening we decided to eat at "The Iron Bar and Grill" in Great Falls to spend time with Chandra's friend Debbie who waitressed there.
Chandra noticed my stared at her and gave me the middle finger.
"What do you want to fight?" I put my drink down on the table.
"Come on you two settle down." Debbie said as she wiped down our table.
"Yes, I want to fight."
"Then hit me."
Chandra's small fist reached across the table and I felt a small concussion hit me right between my ear and my right eye. I almost lost my traction on my seat yet regained my composure.
"Goddam guys. Chandra break up with this psycho for crying out loud. Look at that fucking smile on his face." Debbie said as she spun away from our table to talk with some other friends.
"let's go home." I said with a small breath.
Tony sat on the front step of Chandra's apartment when we arrived home. His hair had small patches of pine needles that reached out from his skull as if he had awoken from hibernation in the nest of a large bald eagle.
He could hardly hold his head between his hands, which were torn. His feet kept cadence in the snow which created what looked like an angel with the heel of his torn and duct taped boots.
Night had begun quickly and the stars penetrated the moonlight in their majestic patterns. The wind worked up into a violent spasm that shook the snow from the trees onto Tony as he scrambled up and asked for a cigarette.
I reached to give Tony a cigarette and in the same motion pulled a Bowie knife from a holster behind me and swiftly stabbed the blade directly underneath his sternum and into his heart.
Tony looked up at me through the moonlight and grabbed my arm. He tried to talk and all that came out was a sudden release of air as if he was deflating in front of me. Blood began to color the angel he made with his boots, a brilliant crimson, as I removed the blade and washed it in the snow.
"Fuck, Tony," I said as I held his head in my hands as his breath became shallow, "you just answered a question I have been asking myself for years."
Chandra stood quietly in the snow. She had a cigarette between her fingers and stared at me...
Chapter Five
I began to realize the situation almost immediately. I told Chandra we needed to leave fast before the neighbors sobered up enough to realize what had just happened. Chandra shook her head and began to throw her belongings into cab of the pickup.
I called Waylan and he arrived within minutes and helped me to put the body into the truck. We picked up some lye and some shovels from his house and headed out of town.
We found a hidden spot where the Maria's met the Missouri. The earth was frozen and fought us with every inch of soil we removed. Yet in no time we had a good five-foot deep ditch dug under a pine tree nesteled on top of a rocky crevice.
"So John, how far so these military relationships go?" Waylan said as he threw the lye onto the bottom of the ditch.
We both picked up Tony's body and threw it onto the lye covered hole and then covered the body with the remainder of the lye.
"You have no choice Waylan. You took an oath just like I did. You did your time like me." I said covering up the hole and placing a large pile of pine needles over the mound.
"You don't even remember the oath."
"You're right Waylan. So I guess you guys are leaving after this?" I said.
"Yeah, me and Marylyn are moving back to Colorado, to live with my brother, if you two find yourselves on the run you can stay with us for awhile."
"Thanks Waylan, for everything." After we finished up we watched the sun come up over the Missouri river. The light exploded off the river like a series of fireworks and a bald eagle flew over our heads. It circled a few times, caught a morning breeze and flew off.
Back at the apartment Chandra had shoveled up the bloodied snow from in front of our house and had started to pack up her prized possessions.
A fish tank, an almost empty bottle of Jack Daniels, all of Maria's toy's and cloths stood in piles ready to be loaded into my beat up 72 Chevy pickup.
We christened the new morning with a few beers, smoked a few Camel cigarettes, made love, and left Great Falls towards Lolo to pick up Maria from Grandma's house.
After we picked up Maria we flew through Montana hidden in the dust left by fleeing herds of buffalo.
Maria had fallen asleep along with Chandra when we entered Idaho, where the mountains sang ballads of battles and long journey's of time, elegy's of loss through their snow covered lips.
I looked over at the precious cargo I held in my hands and opened up a fresh beer. I left the mountains behind with their songs.
We drove straight through to Pocattelo, only stopping to smoke cigarettes, or to calm Maria down with short walks away from her fourteen hour cell.
Chandra never spoke over the silence of Maria's naps, or the vastness of the canyons entering Idaho Falls.
I fell back into the monotonous moan of the wheels of the truck and Montana memories. I felt as if I experienced starvation, a lack of time, a feeling of emptiness that flowed through my mouth into my bowels.
Chandra gently removed her arm from underneath Maria and slipped her fingers into her jacket pocket. She took out the letter Marylyn had written and placed it on the seat between us.
"Prove this letter is true John. Prove it to me."
"Mom can I have a beer?"
"You know you don't have to ask sweetheart. Here's a Coors on the house." Marylyn opened the top of a beer and smiled as she passed me the bottle.
I watched the morning news on the television behind the bar and continued to drink a few more beers. Marylyn cleaned the bar and served a few old cowboys who sat nearby.
The day wore on and I felt that I had to move on. I said goodbye to Marylyn while I put out my cigarette and walked back into the sunlight. This time I was prepared for the sunshine as I lifted my hands over my eyes.
I knew I had to go to Chandra's, a new day never truly began until I saw her smile, touched her face, and held her in my arms.
Chandra's apartment sat in the center of a row of low-income apartments in Great Falls Montana. The apartments of Quilt Lane were built to house the natives of Great Falls, the people who survived day to day on a government paycheck or hibernated in the winter with Fire Fighting money made over the summer.
Most patrons would stumble between their apartments every day. Forgetting had become an art form that kept the residence of the small complex free from the memories of the fighting that occurred in the streets just about every day.
It was 2:00 p.m. and I was beginning to feel the beers and the shots of whiskey I had drank to wake up. I knocked on Chandra's door a few times as I flicked the cherry off of my cigarette and blew the stale smoke out. I placed the unused portion of the cigarette into my used jacket pocket.
The hangover from my night at Waylan's trailer had worn off but the calm feeling of having too much to drink too soon began to conquer my every step.
Chandra opened the door in silence. Her Blackfoot heritage taught her the fine art of silence and patience. She behaved as it her life was being thrown around in a poker game and she never let her eyes betray her crappy hand. The cards that carried too much of a burden.
Her existence was the protection of her daughter Maria. Maria, the last pond in the family aquifer, was born to her when she was well under the age of reason. As a result of this, Maria was and would always be a piece of her spirit. When friends from the tribe would lounge around her apartment full of whatever drinks were on the house, she would hold Maria in complete silence, as if stone.
The thing that would get me would be her smile. She would show her teeth like a white wolf. Like the white wolves we saw set free in Glacier National Park last year. Their smiles as they looked back at us and her smiles to her tribal friends seemed to say, "Have fun. I am letting you borrow all this. This air, these mountains, these trees, this view. You are all my guests. But remember I will kill you if I have to."
Her tribal friends respected us enough and like the white wolf pack, left the violence outside.
Sometimes the violence would crawl under Chandra's skin. Once during a gathering at her house she placed herself directly in front of a large woman who sat on the couch. The woman had just yelled some profanity at Maria, and seemed to carry every ounce of her body weight in her upper torso. The woman asked Chandra what the hell she was looking at. Chandra grabbed her with both hands and picked the woman off her feet and threw her outside in the snow.
Chandra walked quickly up to the woman and swiftly kicked her in her groin. The woman fell directly into the snow where the white flakes seemed to hide her from the force of the fury that began to fly in her direction. Chandra kicked her repeatedly in her stomach while she laid curled up in the cold.
Finally Chandra reached over and punched her directly on her right temple and left her without saying a word.
When the violence crept into Chandra she followed her own rules and took it outside of her home into the soft snow.
Go To Sleep Little Baby
"Go to sleep little baby,
go to sleep little baby.
Your momma's gone
away and your daddy's
going to stay don't leave
nobody but the baby.
Go to sleep little baby,
go to sleep little baby.
Everybodies gone and
the cotton and the corn
don't leave nobody but the baby.
You're a sweet little baby,
you're a sweet little baby.
Momma and the tock and
the sugar don't stop,
going to bring a little
bottle to the baby.
Don't you weep pretty baby,
don't weep pretty baby.
He's long gone with the
red shoes on
don't need another loving baby.
Go to sleep little baby,
go to sleep little baby.
You and me and the
devil makes three
don't need another loving baby.
So to sleep little baby,
go to sleep little baby.
Going to lay stone on
the alabaster bones
and be my ever loving baby."
The Soggy Bottom Boys
Chapter Two
I saw Tony asleep on one of Chandra's couches, like he did every once in awhile when he drank too much. Sometimes he would stay if he just got out of jail and it was too cold for him to pass out outside a bar.
His beard was halfway down his chest and his hair sat like a nest of bees on top of his head. He sometimes would go crazy and threaten to beat up ghosts or scream at us about the importance of chicken potpies.
Tony was one of the last pirates roaming the priaries outside of Great Falls. He was following a criminal tradition of treachery and deceit.
Chandra let him stay almost every other day. She once felt like a pirate herself and felt that her journey was to find treasure. One day as she overlooked a large cliff that lingered close to the highway she realized that there was no such thing as treasure and nothing was hidden away, even hope.
I cracked open a fresh bottle of bourbon and handed it over to Chandra for a drink. We sat at the kitchen table and drank numerous shots before she began to pull my arm and stare directly at me filling the room with the blackness of her eyes.
I held myself in her, I was lost like in a dream. Feelings began to overtake me, mixed with the alchohol in my blood. My eyes began to cloud over and so did my reason. She grabbed my arm to lead me up the stairs and I told her that I couldn't make it, I was too drunk.
I pulled myself onto her other couch instead. I could hear her sigh through the staggering silence and I passed out.
I was unable to move a bone in my body. Every attempt at movement brought on a blur, a spin, and a thump in my head as if by Maxwell's silver hammer. I stared at the ceiling, which was becoming more blurred and I tried fruitlessly to lift a foot off the couch.
Tony, who was on the couch next to mine, made a slight ruffle. I heard footsteps walk towards the foot of the stairs that sounded like Tony's boots. I waited in silence the sound of my breath the only sound. Finally, I lifted myself off the couch and crawled to the stairs.
I crawled halfway up the stairs when I heard Tony in Maria's room. He shut the door to her room as I crawled up and placed my ear to the wood.
His boots moved around in the room. The crib began to creak and I heard him tell Maria to relax and be quiet. I heard him whispering to himself how much money he was going to make. I heard him whisper about how a friend he had made in prison was going to pay him ten thousand dollars for a little girl. He told Maria that tonight was not the night but soon he would take her when Chandra was too drunk to move.
I heard him sing in the dark a bluegrass lullaby.
"You are going to make me rich little girl so I can leave this damn town and move to the west coast." Tony said as he finished his song and placed Maria back into her crib.
Quickly I crawled into the bathroom located directly next door to Maria's room and closed the door behind me. The bathroom floor was cold and soothing as I laid my head on the tile. Tony's boots moved down the stairs.
Once again the world began to spin as all turned to darkness. Everything was black and not the restful sleeping kind...
Marylyn's Letter
"To whom has caught John's heart,
I hope he gives you this letter shortly after I write it. At times John may seem out of control. I cannot even begin to tell you what John has experienced in his life and I am not making excuses for his behaviour, but underneath the drinking and confusion lies the heart of a man who do nothing but love. Don't leave this opportunity behind; he will try his hardest to ensure that you and your daughter are taken care of. Marry this man and do it quickly before you lose him.
Marylyn."
Chapter Three
Chandra woke me from the bathroom floor in her pajamas.
"Follow me." She said as I picked myself up and followed her downstairs for breakfast.
Breakfast was typically a bottle of milk for Maria, and a beer for us to share. The beer helped to cushion the footsteps of the giants on parade in my head.
I noticed that Tony was gone as I put my weight onto the kitchen doorframe, unable to stand up straight. Chandra occasionally looked over at me, never saying a word. Finally she picked up Maria and brushed past me towards the stairs.
When I caught up with her she fed Maria the last of the milk and put her down for a nap in her crib. There is a small amount of beer left not enough to help my jitters. She grabs my hand and leads me into the room, her beauty is enough to dull my pain as she sets me down on the bed and looks deep into my eyes.
"Good Morning." She hummed.
"Wait," I say, "Marylyn wrote something yesterday at the bar," I got up and reached into my jacket pocket, "Here read this."
Chandra read the letter to herself and placed it upon her dresser. I cannot tell if she looked at me and could only hear her laugh lightly before she climbed on top of my chest. her long black hair fell over her eyes and over my hands as I played with her porcelain breasts.
I lifted her up and upon me as I moved my hands down her slender waist and rested my fingertips.
"I may be too hung over for this." I said.
She put her middle finger up to my lips for a split second and quietly drew me into her.
Later that evening, after we dropped Maria at the babysitters, we went out drinking. She told me over beer and whiskey shots that she could never leave Great Falls.
She told me that her family lived here or nearby, and whatever happened to her someone would always be there to help her.
She explained that everyone she let in her home, out of the cold of the winter, sat around every corner of the town and ensured that her and her daughter would never be harmed.
She had faith in all the residence of the town, they supplied the relief shelter that she and her newly born daughter stayed in during the coldest winter in Great Falls history. She had faith in the neighbors she met that helped her to find the government assistance she needed to move into low-income housing.
She did not know what the title of low-income housing meant she only knew she had her own space; that someone out there had the heart to give her a home. The burden she felt due to these gifts held her tightly to the town. She could never leave.
"Then give me the letter back." I said looking away from her. There is no conversation, yet I know that I am not going to get the letter back and I feel ashamed for asking.
The night ended with dry whiskey sex and sleep with her arms rested on my chest.
Chapter Four
I conviced Chandra to drive Maria to her mothers house outside of Lolo for the weekend by cooking her a large breakfast with eggs and pancakes.
Chandra's mom lived in a small cabin some five miles outside of Lolo with her husband who had been hit by a car and had troubles remembering his day-to-day activities. Chandra's mom had five daughters all less than ten years old, and only watched Maria on rare occasions.
After breakfast we packed up Maria's diaper bag and loaded up the truck for the journey.
Before we left I looked into the backseat and noticed how radiant Maria looked in her car seat with the sunlight shining on her face.
"We're going to see Granny, Maria," I said turning toward Chandra, "and we can do some drinking."
Halfway between Great Falls and Lolo, Chandra looked over at me and told me that she needed directions to the area in Lolo where her
mother lived. Outside Missoula we found a bar and I ran in for directions.
The bar was dimly lit and housed one patron and the bartender. The bartender seemed absorbed in a conversation with the other patron.
He asked if I needed anything. I asked for a beer and a shot of Southern Comfort and he poured me the shot and beer and then continued his conversation with the patron. Right when I finished my shot Chandra waltzed into the bar with Maria in her arms and asked where the hell her mom lived.
I began to tell her that I was picking up some courage as the other customer asked if we were from out of town. I explained we were from Great Falls and that we were lookin for Kathryn Littlebear.
He knew exactly where she lived and gave us directions as I finished another beer.
The sun outside blinded me as we crawled back into the pickup truck and headed to Kathryn's house and dropped off Maria.
Later that evening we decided to eat at "The Iron Bar and Grill" in Great Falls to spend time with Chandra's friend Debbie who waitressed there.
Chandra noticed my stared at her and gave me the middle finger.
"What do you want to fight?" I put my drink down on the table.
"Come on you two settle down." Debbie said as she wiped down our table.
"Yes, I want to fight."
"Then hit me."
Chandra's small fist reached across the table and I felt a small concussion hit me right between my ear and my right eye. I almost lost my traction on my seat yet regained my composure.
"Goddam guys. Chandra break up with this psycho for crying out loud. Look at that fucking smile on his face." Debbie said as she spun away from our table to talk with some other friends.
"let's go home." I said with a small breath.
Tony sat on the front step of Chandra's apartment when we arrived home. His hair had small patches of pine needles that reached out from his skull as if he had awoken from hibernation in the nest of a large bald eagle.
He could hardly hold his head between his hands, which were torn. His feet kept cadence in the snow which created what looked like an angel with the heel of his torn and duct taped boots.
Night had begun quickly and the stars penetrated the moonlight in their majestic patterns. The wind worked up into a violent spasm that shook the snow from the trees onto Tony as he scrambled up and asked for a cigarette.
I reached to give Tony a cigarette and in the same motion pulled a Bowie knife from a holster behind me and swiftly stabbed the blade directly underneath his sternum and into his heart.
Tony looked up at me through the moonlight and grabbed my arm. He tried to talk and all that came out was a sudden release of air as if he was deflating in front of me. Blood began to color the angel he made with his boots, a brilliant crimson, as I removed the blade and washed it in the snow.
"Fuck, Tony," I said as I held his head in my hands as his breath became shallow, "you just answered a question I have been asking myself for years."
Chandra stood quietly in the snow. She had a cigarette between her fingers and stared at me...
Chapter Five
I began to realize the situation almost immediately. I told Chandra we needed to leave fast before the neighbors sobered up enough to realize what had just happened. Chandra shook her head and began to throw her belongings into cab of the pickup.
I called Waylan and he arrived within minutes and helped me to put the body into the truck. We picked up some lye and some shovels from his house and headed out of town.
We found a hidden spot where the Maria's met the Missouri. The earth was frozen and fought us with every inch of soil we removed. Yet in no time we had a good five-foot deep ditch dug under a pine tree nesteled on top of a rocky crevice.
"So John, how far so these military relationships go?" Waylan said as he threw the lye onto the bottom of the ditch.
We both picked up Tony's body and threw it onto the lye covered hole and then covered the body with the remainder of the lye.
"You have no choice Waylan. You took an oath just like I did. You did your time like me." I said covering up the hole and placing a large pile of pine needles over the mound.
"You don't even remember the oath."
"You're right Waylan. So I guess you guys are leaving after this?" I said.
"Yeah, me and Marylyn are moving back to Colorado, to live with my brother, if you two find yourselves on the run you can stay with us for awhile."
"Thanks Waylan, for everything." After we finished up we watched the sun come up over the Missouri river. The light exploded off the river like a series of fireworks and a bald eagle flew over our heads. It circled a few times, caught a morning breeze and flew off.
Back at the apartment Chandra had shoveled up the bloodied snow from in front of our house and had started to pack up her prized possessions.
A fish tank, an almost empty bottle of Jack Daniels, all of Maria's toy's and cloths stood in piles ready to be loaded into my beat up 72 Chevy pickup.
We christened the new morning with a few beers, smoked a few Camel cigarettes, made love, and left Great Falls towards Lolo to pick up Maria from Grandma's house.
After we picked up Maria we flew through Montana hidden in the dust left by fleeing herds of buffalo.
Maria had fallen asleep along with Chandra when we entered Idaho, where the mountains sang ballads of battles and long journey's of time, elegy's of loss through their snow covered lips.
I looked over at the precious cargo I held in my hands and opened up a fresh beer. I left the mountains behind with their songs.
We drove straight through to Pocattelo, only stopping to smoke cigarettes, or to calm Maria down with short walks away from her fourteen hour cell.
Chandra never spoke over the silence of Maria's naps, or the vastness of the canyons entering Idaho Falls.
I fell back into the monotonous moan of the wheels of the truck and Montana memories. I felt as if I experienced starvation, a lack of time, a feeling of emptiness that flowed through my mouth into my bowels.
Chandra gently removed her arm from underneath Maria and slipped her fingers into her jacket pocket. She took out the letter Marylyn had written and placed it on the seat between us.
"Prove this letter is true John. Prove it to me."